Third-of-a-year Self-Assessment

I hate that I haven’t been able to write lately. As it happens, I have more to write about than ever. Last week, I went to Bogota and Medellin for Spring Break (or Holy Week/Semana Santa according to the very Colombian Catholic tradition). A couple of weekends before that I went to Bucaramanga. I have every intention of writing about my experiences in all three cities, as they really are some of the greatest cities in the interior of Colombia, but I’ve been utterly drained.

Let me explain what the hell is up with me. I’m now giving tutoring twice a week – it’s about to be four times since I’m adding a new student. Plus I’ve had to give refuerzos or unpaid tutoring sessions at the school to help my kids catch up. It’s the end of the third school period, so that means planning (oh, by the way, I get to go in to work tomorrow bright and early – on a Saturday. Joy), uploading grades, writing reports, observations, making sure I don’t break down or forget anything. You know, lots of stuff. Aside from the tutoring, I’m teaching English to a couple twice a week (which I love because they are so in to it that it’s almost not like teaching at all), and I might add another class to that.

On top of this, I just started transcribing interviews for my aunt. This is work I really love as it helps contribute to her doctorate thesis and some important research related to indigenous rights in Nicaragua. With all of this, I’m also working toward saving for one of my goals – a backpacking trip through Central America. I opened a travel fund pretty recently to help save for my tour of South America which I’m going to postpone for next year, since going through all of the countries in Central America twice is not going to leave much time (and possibly money) to do anything else this summer. However, as great as it is to have extra money, I feel like my energy has been invested pretty heavily in all of the teaching and work. Writing and language study have virtually went on the backburner, and because I’m too tired to write to coherently, I figured a brief reflection and recollection would be better than trying to chip away at the 5-some drafts I have sitting around.

That being said, I will be posting about my travels in Bucaramanga, Bogota, and Medellin. Those experiences really reminded me of why I love living in Colombia – the three places are so diverse and different from Valledupar, where I currently live, and yet they are all part of the same country. For those that might generalize Colombia as a monolithic drug lord-dwelling jungle paradise, I am happy to show just how mistaken you are – but no harm no foul. We all fall victim to the influencing power of the media, which paints a picture of our world using colors we are familiar with to mask the reality beyond. With these adventures, I have felt full, but I need to hop back on the creativity and intellectual pursuits of a deeper, personal significance.

I’m also still reading. I finished My Ishmael and have since started on a Spanish book, Opio en las Nubes, by Rafael Chaparro Madiedo. An acquaintance who is a big fan of literature and poetry loaned it to me, and so far, I’m impressed with its surrealist, stream-of-consciousness elements, but I haven’t gotten terribly far. I’d like to have a review of My Ishmael up soon as well while its still fresh. It impacted me pretty strongly, if not as much as the original Ishmael did. Still, great book.

I’m beginning to realize how easy it is for routines and plans to come undone. I started going to the gym again this week. I had about a week and a half off because I was traveling and busy doing other things. Now, with these new classes and responsibilities, I’m worried I won’t be able to find the time or energy. Planning classes takes time, not to mention my main job… But I’m going to do my best.

It’s hard sometimes to look at all you said you would accomplish and feel like you’re coming up short. A thought crossed my mind that calmed me today as I considered all of this. We’re a third of the way through this year. That means three more thirds to go – a perfect time to look at what I’ve done so far and where I’m going.

So far, I’ve traveled plenty, spent time with friends – even interviewed for a new job. That was another reason I wasn’t able to do much in the past couple of weeks. I had to prepare a demo lesson to perform with adults acting like students (definitely as weird and uncomfortable as it sounds). It went relatively well, but to my relief, there is nothing concrete there. The school would be a great opportunity, don’t get me wrong, but I think I need to not jump on the first opportunity that comes my way. I may not even be working as a teacher next year – who knows? I feel tired of it at the moment, and I’m not sure if its the stressful work environment (which causes pressure apart from the actual duties involved with being a teacher) or just the universe’s way of pushing me towards my other goals and passions. It’s almost like a whisper saying enough is enough. Time to move on.

All in all, nothing is decided yet. I’m still making progress with language acquisition, even if my daily studies and writing have dwindled. I’m trying to look at things as a continuous work in progress, bit by bit. I know success and self-actualization don’t happen over night. I’m trying not to stress myself out more or get depressed by these changes – because, for the most part, they really are positive and will definitely pay off. But it does raise the question: what do I want to dedicate myself to?

What do I need to dedicate myself to? Writing is a necessity for me, like curing a wound. If I don’t do it, the gap gets bigger and I feel myself slipping away. No matter how busy I am, I will always write.

However, I started this blog to write with a purpose. To talk about my experiences, my insights. To share my adventures in order to educate people about the wonderfully jodido and complex country that is Colombia. I met several people in my stay in Yolo Hostel Medellin that were jealous of me getting to live in Colombia and have this experience – that craved more. At the same time, there is so much ignorance surrounding Colombia – its history, political situation, culture(s), and present. I hope to shed a bit more light on that through this blog. I hope it reaches not only my friends, but other people that might be curious about living and working in, or at least traveling to Colombia, as it is so worth it. But you need to do it not only with an open mind, but an open heart and a clear headed view of the pre-conceived notions you are doubtlessly carrying with you. There is so much more than meets the eye.

So here’s to adding that goal to the list and hopefully scratching it off! I’m now trying to maintain an agenda, some good advice given by the counselor I’m seeing. I recommend it to anyone else feeling overwhelmed by busy schedules and conflicting priorities.

Any advice for keeping it all straight? I could sure use some more tips, as much as I’d like to offer some of my own. Share your experiences below!

Author: AventurerAmanda

Just another USAmerican teaching English and living abroad trying to find herself among the noise. A polyglot-aspiring traveler and lover of languages. I live to learn something new and share a little bit of myself and my story with whoever is willing to have me. View all posts by AventurerAmanda