Self-reflection – Diario de una Aventurera

Opportunities for Growth

During quarantine last year, all of the time I had to myself gave me lots of opportunities to digest thoughts that had not yet crystalized for me before. About myself, my goals, and most importantly habits and how integral they are to being successful and staying motivated.

So often we put ourselves in this catch-22 scenario where we can only do what we want if we sacrifice our own mental health in some way. We can never win. If we do what we want, we have no time. If we don’t, we feel like we aren’t doing enough.

Wait, was I just projecting my own problems with prioritizing? I guess so. I confronted these feelings a lot during my time in quarantine, needless to say.

We want to create, but struggle to do so. We want to exercise, but fail to find motivation. Wanting to achieve our goals, but — for some reason or another — we still procrastinate on them. We fail to fall in love with the process.

We have to start. That’s the first step. Then from there we have to keep going. That’s been harder than starting, some days. So I started doing a little research on how these new habits I want to form can be done in the most logical and passive way possible. Passive, in the sense that it doesn’t have to be this aggressive struggle to do as much as possible every day. I’d been living by that rule, going against the grain and pushing myself past the bounds of self-care: all or nothing. And yes, I felt drained, and somewhat unsatisfied as a result. Because it never seemed to be enough.

Growing up, my dad would always be watching Seinfeld. I was a big fan, even if a lot of the more sophisticated jokes went over my head. It was always a groundbreaking show to me, in a way, because I felt it had a different vibe than other sitcoms that were big at the time. It felt somehow more authentic.

Never would I have guessed that there was more than just comedic genius behind its creator’s success.

“After a few days you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job is to not break the chain.”

I found this wonderful article (which I now cannot refind) all about the Seinfeld strategy, described above by my boy Jerry Seinfeld. He pointed out that while most people get demotivated and off–track after a bad performance, a bad workout, or simply a bad day at work, top performers settle right back into their pattern the next day. They reset and keep their long-term goals in mind. They embrace the new obstacles as opportunities for growth.

The Seinfeld Strategy works because it helps to take the focus off of each individual performance and puts the emphasis on the process instead. So instead of obsessing with where we want to be on a daily basis, we focus on the small steps it takes to reaching our destination.

So step one is to choose a task that is simple enough to be sustainable. At the same time, you have to make sure that your actions are meaningful enough to matter. And that your strategies are varied enough to keep you engaged and passionate.

Last month, I also learned about S.M.A.R.T. goals from the Habits for Happiness podcast I discovered for free with my audible subscription. I started 2021 listening to this podcast, and I would highly recommend following this strategy developed by George T. Doran way back in 1981 to help with setting clear objectives in any aspect of life.

What makes them SMART? You have to ask yourself about any given goal you choose to set: Is it Specific? Is it Measurable? Is it Achievable/Realistic? Is it Relevant to your overall vision? And finally, what is your Timeframe for reaching your goal? You can add on points for exciting and recorded, among other qualifiers, as you see fit.

Although it has been quoted to death, as Greg Reid asserted, writing down a goal, breaking it down into steps, and following through with those steps, with the consistency of the Seinfeld method can make all the difference.

But most importantly, the motivation must be authentic. I realized how hard it was to cultivate motivation when I was actively and frequently struggling with depression. That is true for any dopamine and vitamin D deprived individual such as myself. It comes down to chemical composition. How can we level out and correct the release and maintenance of certain chemicals in the body? I realized that addressing this issue had to be part of my plan. Every plan needs room for maintenance and repair, in the event of a setback or *ahem* breakdown. And once I was in the states, finding solutions to those on-going chemical factors became a priority.

When it comes to treatment of a disorder or illness, not breaking the chain becomes even more important. One day without taking your medicine or exercising or meditating can cause a dramatic swing in your mood and perception of your situation, as well as your motivation and momentum. It’s not often a permanent state or condition, but it can have damaging effects on your mental wellness and overall assessment of your own progress.

So as I coped with the new balance adjustments on my chemicals, while evacuating, having no place to call home, virtual classes, familial tension… I fell back even harder on my routine. I focused on the little things that I could do for a short period of time each day. I made sure to zero in on the most pleasurable aspects of those steps in my plan.

I didn’t stop studying French. I’ve almost cleared the lessons on Duolingo and reached a B1 level in about a year of study after knowing next to nothing and not being able to fully immerse myself in real life use of the language. I’ve been gradually been building up my content on social media. I’m trying to apply my SMART goals and the Seinfeld method to my writing as well — and I think it’s getting more consistent. I still get blocked looking through all of my drafts, but as long as I am still writing a few lines a day, publishing once I’m satisfied at least a few times a month, then I feel I am reaching my goal.

Another routine that made a huge difference during quarantine was establishing morning rituals. I try to use my phone as a tool to wake me up mentally via podcasts (like Up Next by NPR to get my daily overview of the news), the Daily Stoic, and YouTube videos by channels that post Alan Watts videos and self-help/introspective tips like Better Ideas and Awaken Insight to name a few. Getting your mind right and finding your best headspace in the morning is the best way to wipe the slate of the previous day’s struggles and stumbling blocks and start with a fresh outlook.

I have continued to make this a part of my routine, as well as filling my body with light, healthy food like fruits, grains, and oatmeal to help prevent my typical digestive problems. Health can never take a backburner in our daily life — if nothing else, I think 2020 taught a lot of us that.

Additionally, I applied the Seinfeld method to doing yoga daily in the mornings during my 2 and a half months in lockdown. I reminded myself that it doesn’t matter how much exercise I do, the intensity nor the duration, so long as I don’t stop doing it. Previously, I felt frustrated seeing the results of my hard work in the gym fade after I became too busy to go regularly. What’s the point if the results wouldn’t stick and I’d repeatedly have to start over every time I went?

That’s where not breaking the chain is truly genius. Even if your growth is not linear or exponential, it does pay off in the long run. I haven’t done yoga daily since my time in the States, but since returning to the gym – and on days when I have a lot of tension, pain, and stress – I use the techniques I learned during those 60 whole days straight that I practiced yoga at least once a day.

It worked! What I learned stuck. And not because I never took time off or never had slow days or short sessions. On the hard days, I took breaks and shortcuts, but I didn’t stop.

In 2021, I continue to think proactively, to enjoy rest and productivity, socializing and self-care in equal measure. The balance has gotten easier, even though it truly is an uphill battle. It’s never as easy as it looks or seems. That’s important to keep in mind. Comparing ourselves to others is the least productive thing we can do when looking to grow and live life to the fullest.

I’ve got to shoutout both my brothers who are a strong example to me of this persistent approach to goals. Jace has gone from knowing next to nothing about music theory and never seriously learning to play an instrument to being able to sing while playing and write songs on the guitar in under a year. How badass is that? As someone who was often a defeatist with new hobbies, I was inspired by how he refused to take a day off from playing or get frustrated, even when he was in exhausting and stressful situations or when progress seemed slow.

My older brother Seth is an extremely hardworking family man. In spite of two hurricanes, having to move suddenly, and all the other crazy consequences of last year, he continues to be a high performer in everything he does. From sports to management and sales, he’s a true inspiration to me as he has become so successful in his work and family life, alike. I’m lucky I’ve had some strong examples in my personal life that have helped me to reach this proactive point in my journey.

So I write through the exhaustion of a new hybrid teaching schedule. I’m continuing to learn more about video and photo-editing, teaching and what the hell’s going on in the world — because I’ll need that if I want to get where I am heading. I have projects that I haven’t finished, but at least I have something.

And while progress is not linear, the important thing is to keep going.

I love sunrises and dusk pictures, and how could I not include some of my first edits from my New Years trip and a lovely shot of my own backyard (not in that order).

On Discovering How to Be Your Own Woman (on your own)

2020 has not given as much as it has taken away. That is an irrefutable fact. And I speak not only for myself – in fact, I speak more for the world than for myself. 2020 has taken away our ability to be together without fear. But in spite of this, and disregarding how lucky I’ve been, the solitude 2020 has given me has been an unexpected gift. The solitude, while seemingly empty, has proven that it’s full – full of possibilities – right, not wrong.

As a society we have experienced great losses this year. But many of us have also been able to find the glimmers of hope within what appears to be an endless abyss. Apocalypse does not just mean the end. According to William Blake and his contemporaries, the true meaning of apocalypse was rebirth – destroying in order to introduce something else. Apocalypse comes from Greek words meaning to uncover, to reveal. In the case of the history, humanity – to reveal a new world after the old one goes down in flames.

So, with that in mind, even if you aren’t Christian, perhaps there is some hope of redemption in the ideology of apocalypse?

Much has died in my life to bring new things to life. I had to cut some people out of my life that disturbed my growth. I think this time has been a crucial time and space for us to collectively analyze our paths. As a species, how can we continue down the path that is unfolding? What other options are there? Where did we go wrong?

The time in solitude led me to questions, as I pined over old pictures of drunken nights and thought about old lovers. A part of me has always known that I romanticize the past, once a new challenge comes along. The conquered challenge always seems like the more appealing one when faced with new paths and pitfalls.

At some point, I had to start asking myself: am I moving towards my goals? Are these people nurturing my true self? Or am I simply stumbling along looking for some relief from loneliness? Some external cure for an internal ill?

This journey for me began in my apartment in Valledupar, Colombia. I was totally alone for almost 3 months (with a few moments in between where I spent time with my neighbor or met up with a friend). I had to reroute myself. For so long, my life had been a constant race from one destination to another. Work – gym – tutoring – sleep. Long ago, I began learning the value of self-care. But it wasn’t until I was forced to truly take care of myself that I realized just how it was done. And how little I had dedicated to my own well-being before.

As one day seemed to bleed into another, I became more and more aware of my routine. I began to construct my time around the goals I wanted to achieve. I was inspired by greats like Kobe Bryant and Seinfeld and authors like Brandon Sanderson – people that had made their passions into their careers, against the odds. The lessons they taught were rooted in a simple concept: Don’t break the chain.

I began setting goals, for meditation time, yoga, exercise, languages, reading. And it paid off. For once in my life, I maintained a routine that was both productive and balanced. Balance is an important concept when it comes to self-care. Too much of anything can be a detriment – too much exercise, too much work, too much productivity. I found that in creating my own routine, I also need to be mindful of my multiple needs.

I began to get to know myself again. I left a harmful relationship a little over a year ago. As is generally the case, my healing didn’t happen overnight. I tried to convince myself I was over all of the pain by working out, socializing, casually seeing other people – the typical escape plan from the doldrums of daily life which I know would inevitably make me turn inward and reflect.

But in quarantine, I began to realize that there was no escape. The things I had learned in therapy, meditation, self-help books – all of it was true and valid. You could not passively set out to improve yourself. You had to make an active effort to address different issues, just like a pianist or a basketball player trying to improve their precision – they focus not only on their strengths, but they actively put time into the areas they are weaker in. That’s the only way an average person could become an exceptional person. The solitude wasn’t something to numb myself to.

The solitude was teaching me how to be. How to be myself again. How to be my own woman. What does that mean, to be your own person?

As a woman, you grow up having your identity attached, not unlike members of any other gender, to external concepts. But for female-assigned persons, this emphasis tends to be on the social group, the community, the partner. The feminine sphere is set up in this landscape, intentionally and subconsciously. Women are taught they should nurture. They should attach their identity to a partner – and then, when the time is right, they must eventually surrender themselves to the ideals and identities of another.

I once had a partner who threw this blatantly back in my face. You see, like most, I grew up feeling like I was lacking. And as a result, most of my energy went into pleasing others. Pleasing others meant never doing anything wrong. It meant being predictable. Pleasing everyone meant being perfect. And yes, that’s what many young women feel they must do in order to be accepted and therefore successful in society.

One step at a time, I developed my identity. I had my own interests. I had my own convictions. But I found something troubling in me: I was too malleable. I would try to match the person I was with, my social circle, my partner. When one ex told me that my entire identity was fake – all borrowed from others – I was understandably hurt and furious. All of those experiences and interests weren’t just someone else’s – they were mine. They formed part of the person I was becoming every day.

And yet, in the solitude, I began to see the truth in one aspect of that harsh and reductive judgment – I did change myself to suit others. All the time. I felt anxiety when I couldn’t play the right part, when I couldn’t be what someone else wanted. And in my last relationship, this impulse to please at all costs nearly crushed me. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. Until I looked in the mirror and said to myself, “Either I die, or I stop living this way.”

And with the support of others, I took the steps to be free and end my last relationship for good. But the truth is, I didn’t really feel okay with being alone, not until some time alone passed and I learned to breathe on my own again.

How can you be your own woman? By embracing solitude. By reserving your attention for things that grow and inspire you. By agreeing to disagree but refusing to agree in order to appease someone else. So long I thought I was being “good” by biting my tongue and taking the path of least resistance. Other times, I thought in order to be authentic, I had to fight, and not only that, but I had to win at all costs. And yes, being a skillful arguer and being persuasive is important. Being diplomatic is equally incredible. It’s so important to me, in fact, that I plan to make a career out of diplomacy. Use of words and the ability to understand the perspectives and arguments of others – these are important life skills that all human beings need.

But like I said, anything in excess can be a detriment. Censuring myself reflexively had stunted me. It made being myself seem like a fight or flight situation. And over time, living in another culture, dominating another language, I had begun to brush off little by little those self-imposed restrictions. I was moving toward being my own woman.

You see, I realized something. In the past, I had associated my singleness with some of creatively, the best years of my life. I wrote a book, essays, took pictures, reflected, studied actively, with no one to get in my way or distract me. Yet when the wrong person came along (the right one to catch my eye and attention), I would sacrifice my interests, little by little, or seek constant validation from my partner in the case that we shared the same passion.

My search for validation overshadowed my search of self.

When I came home, I began spending time with my younger brother. I wasn’t expecting to learn something so important from who I may have easily written off as a hormonal, mercurial teenager, a person still in the stage of life where he is “figuring himself out” – except, wait. Did I ever take the chance to really figure out who I was? Well, those were my experiences, right? The sum of them was equivalent to who I am.

No, something stood out to me about Jace’s search for self: rebellion. But not just the teenage rebellion we all have experienced growing up in strict households. No, I realized the answer was sitting under my nose all the while.

See, I’ve always been resilient. When I put my mind to something, I have an unbreakable iron will. Except when the issue became one of conforming with others. Most of my choices never led me down the path of least resistance, down the feminine, communal, passive path. Oh no, on the contrary, the times I asserted myself, I became more and more removed from the people that I was supposed to care the most about – and I did and do care about them. But my choices, while not simply self-serving, never brought me closer to them.

And I saw my brother doing the same thing. And struggling. But being real and authentic and honest with the people around him. Refusing to lie about who he was anymore. We both had grown up with the same limiting circumstances – our parents expected us to be one way, but that did not match who we are on the inside or what we believed, even in secret. Our convictions ranked supreme.

The element I had always been missing was radical honesty. An honesty with myself and with others that was unwavering. In discovering myself, I was discovering that I needed to be more honest. Living at home was no easier than living in isolation – and with hurricanes and living with relatives which were of different minds than my own – well, I felt like I had to play that game again. Sacrifice the self for personal relationships. Again.

But slowly, as I began to rediscover my passions and interests, I began to radically embrace this new approach: to stop telling people what they want to hear, and to embrace the moments when people share their truth with me. Because we all have our own truth, our own worlds within us. Nobody can take that from you. Be you non-binary, trans*, man, woman – you are entitled to your identity.

So many existential struggles have come down to this core truth, this core right to an identity.

And yet, for so long, in the pursuit of perfection, I would not allow myself to be myself. Even with people I loved and respected and trusted – more so because their opinions mattered even more to me. You could melt under that pressure; you could lose yourself. And I had, several times over.

I noticed a shift. As I began pouring more energy into myself and embracing my own interests and identity – even when other people didn’t like it or made fun of me for it or misunderstood me – I also stopped projecting my insecurities onto others. I became free to observe others with less self-conscious baggage. I was no longer analyzing things through a twisted, dirty lens that warped things to reflect back on me. And I opened up.

And you know what? Other people began to open up to me. My parents, the people who had been best at making me stifle myself and discard the things that make me unique (and the people whose love and acceptance I craved the most as a child, un-coincidentally), saw the real me and embraced me. They have openly told me how much they love who I am – without prompting. Just by me being my uncensored, unapologetic self. They have been able to appreciate me without all of the layers of anger that pinned me down before, layers of guilt, layers of insecurity – shed.

I got out of my head. And I was able to be present for others – a perfect bonding of my love for Stoicism and Buddhism and Mindfulness, all these things I have read and studied and attempted to apply to my life for the past 5 years or so – I finally started feeling successful at applying them to my real life. The joy as well as the pain overwhelmed me.

And I realized I was whole. I was not all good nor all bad. I was simply my own woman, my realest, truest, most conflicting self, the protagonist of my own story. And knowing what I know now, there’s no going back. I can only continue in this process of Becoming. And now I know: anything or anyone that gets in the way of that will be no true obstacle. Because I was my own biggest obstacle, my own biggest critic – all alone, all along.

9 Iconic Film Locations of Wild — LocationsHub

Birthday Reflections: How living in Colombia has changed me (from 25 to 26)

It’s been an amazing birthday week, the kind of week that has me reflecting on all the changes in my life that have brought me to where I am today. One of the greatest changes by far has been all of the transformations and confrontations with self I have made since living in Colombia.

Before, I was never one to socialize among coworkers. I kept my head down and my eyes on my work. I felt afraid to show who I really was most days because I wasn’t sure if anyone I worked with would be able to relate to me. As a result, I stole from myself the opportunities to form bonds with my coworkers and create lasting friendships. I also struggled to define limits in my romantic life. I spent more time spinning my wheels than actually acting with the end result in mind, and that was mainly due to self-doubt and insecurity.

Last year, I was still green to living in another country. I didn’t know many people – I barely knew my coworkers. I mostly spent time with a girl that lived in the same house as me and took care of the kids and the chores (we became friends and have been ever since!). I was far from home and at moments very lonely. But with a few spontaneous invites – and then spontaneously accepting them – from my coworkers, I slowly began to go out and really experience the culture of Valledupar and form relationships which became key to my self-esteem and growth.

I’ve learned that ex-pat camaraderie is strong, even if you don’t come from the same country. My first step outside of my comfort zone in Colombia came when I made and shared king cake with a few coworkers. One of them, Noel, took interest in the place I’m from, Louisiana, mainly for the food and music, and I couldn’t help but open up, little by little. So we began to hang out more, and from there we decided to make a king cake together and have a get-together to share it. Since then, he has become more of a brother than a friend, a trusted confidant that has seen me through hard times, listened to me and my whining, and shared advice with me, and I with him.

Slowly, I allowed myself to get to know my coworkers more and stopped closing myself into my classroom and focusing only on the serious aspects of work. It didn’t hurt that I also finished my TEFL certification around the same time and suddenly had the time to go out and socialize. By keeping my eyes peeled for opportunities to go out and explore my new home, I began to get to know a Colombian teacher at that time working in Prekinder in the school, Osiris, and a young woman from Nigeria working in Nursery named Dami. Osiris spontaneously invited us to go hiking up the local lookout point, Cerro Ecce Homo, one weekend in February and from there the three of us became good friends.

Female friendship is powerful.

Shortly after that, the adventures began. Dami, Noel (my British brother), and I along with a Colombian friend spent a weekend in Nabusimake, an isolated indigenous village nestled in the Sierra Nevada. We slept in tiny bunk beds in a cozy cottage and built a fire outside to make our dinner under the night sky, sharing music and laughter throughout. It’s funny how strangers can become so close in so little time. But near-death experiences will do that. During that particular trip, when we decided to go back to Valledupar, it had started drizzling. Of course we thought, who cares? We were ready to get back and rest and prepare for another exhausting week of work. However, once we were zig-zagging and swerving up and down steep, narrow mountain passes covered in mud and clay, we swiftly realized the err of our thinking. We were screaming in the land rover and hiking up along side it, trying not to get hit, all the while and not to slip down the mountain in turns. It really brought a whole new layer of meaning to our friendship, as surviving a near-death situation usually does.

In this way, many of my coworkers also became great travel companions since we all have pretty much the same aspirations to get out of Valledupar and explore. Last year I managed to either plan or be involved in 4 different trips, including a weekend in Palomino and a whole week discovering coastal cities like Santa Marta, Barranquilla, and Cartagena, and then later go further South to Ocaña – but I’ll have to dedicate another post to those trips.

Then there were all of our little get-togethers. We would go to the large house that Noel and his brother lived in, a hostel of sorts because it housed many temporary or short-term tenants, and make food and blast music. At the end, we would always get fussed at by the house owners for turning the house into a discoteca (which, by the way, we now practically live in one since getting our own house), but we rolled our eyes and turned down the music, choosing to ignore the negativity and keep enjoying each other’s company. It’s not like we don’t suffer through the hours on end of blaring Vallenato music constantly.

Our team has always been close knit. There was birthday party after surprise party throughout the last school year that added to my sense of integration with my coworkers. Even my birthday was celebrated as a surprise which was and wasn’t a total surprise since there was a group dedicated to doing just that last year. Still, that party was one of the most beautiful moments yet and continues to stick with me to this day. After all, I could have never imagined that a group of virtual strangers would take me in, buy me a cake and booze, and celebrate my special day as if we had known each other for more than a couple of months.

People here have sincerely taken me by the heart and the hand and welcomed me into their lives. I began to dance and be myself among these diverse people. We traveled together, from the beaches of Palomino to the rainy streets of Bogota, to the Walled City of Cartagena. We rang in the New Year together, drank together, and complained together about the injustices we have faced at the school and the shitty discrepancies with our own expectations.

More than anything, I became entirely me this year, while also letting another culture transform me. I felt myself truly adopt the costeño dialect when conversing with my close Colombian friends while also being able to stand up and give presentations in Spanish and English in workshops and trainings. I’ve spoken my mind and stood up for myself and my friends more than once in the face of the aforementioned injustices at the school that range from unfair working conditions and sanctions based on false information and bias. I’ve realized I’m not afraid to be the person that says no, that doesn’t work and it doesn’t sit well with me. I’ve discovered my voice, both personally and professionally.

Now that I’m 26, I’m staring over an intimidating precipice. On one side stand my goals, my mountain, the things I’ve been working toward tirelessly since I was in college, and perhaps even before that. I’ve always been tenacious, and now I feel I’m halfway there. First, I wanted to get out of the country. Before I turned 25, I accomplished that goal and found a job that worked for me. I wanted some semblance of stability, which I have achieved, while still being able to save and travel all at once. Then I wanted to continue my education and explore other avenues of employment. That is the part I’m still working on – mainly with writing and translating, but I also have a desire to break out into work related to human rights, social justice, and international relations, because that is where my passions truly lie. But in the meantime, I have to give myself some credit – I’ve become a full-time, certified teacher, and damn competent one, one that knows her students and does everything she can to help them reach their full potential and learn and to be passionate about learning.

I’ve discovered my capabilities and that I don’t need anybody else in order to feel fulfilled in my life or have significant and extraordinary relationships. I’ve also learned and thoroughly internalized that it does no good to compare my life to others. We all get where we need to go at different times. The key is living our moment one second at a time.

I am now quite content with my close friendships, with the variety of people that share their time with me and support me in a variety of ways. The next step is simply deciding: which direction do I need to go in in order to get closer to my mountain? How can I stop measuring every step and just let go as I fall into my future? Because in the end, all we are doing is falling. Nobody knows where we will end up, as much as we try to plan and plot our stops along the way of this vast journey we call life.

I will say that the spontaneous choices I’ve made have ended up being the most rewarding. When I set my mind to something, from the age of 5 to 25 and beyond, I have always found a way to see it through. And even if the results are not what I expected, I find a way to learn so much that the experience is totally worth it and part of what makes me me.

In Colombia, I’ve encountered some of the most loving and genuine people I have ever known. I’ve also encountered selfish people, rude people, people that are only interested in themselves and think nothing of how that self-interest can affect others. That, however, is the human experience – no matter how much culture shock was locked into that experience, it is not culturally dependent – and learning how to distinguish one group from another is also part of growing up. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this year in Colombia has been like a rite of passage for me in which I came through the other side as a fully-fledged woman that has committed herself to her vision and doesn’t back down in the face of adversity.

That’s the direction I want to continue going: upwards and outwards, to help and to let myself be helped in order to grow and mutually impact others in a positive way. The interconnectedness of people is one of the great lessons I’ve learned here, just how much we can make or break an experience by being involved with each other. For those that have blessed my days with their light, I will be forever grateful. And for those that steal my energy, I am thankful to know how to distinguish them from the genuine people who are worth the effort and simply remove them from my life in order to focus my energy on the people that fan my flames.

Life happens fast. I imagine we all experience different rites of passage throughout life and at different stages. When was yours? When did you look in the mirror and realize that you were no longer pretending to be a self-sufficient, self-aware adult, but that you actually were one, and not just a scared, lost kid trapped in an adult’s body? I’m interested to know what that turning point is for people. But I would say in spite of everything I lived in my two post-university years in California, Colombia has defined that for me. And to the universe, I will be forever grateful for pushing me to leap from that precipice and into a new challenge. May I have the courage to leap some more in all the deciding moments that come my way.